Love your child and use your common sense. Don’t read parenting books.
That’s long been my go-to advice (often unsolicited) for new parents. And I stand by it, for the most part. There is no manual for parenting. There is no right way. Our values determine our principles, and our principles inform our choices. There are as many different right ways to parent are there are loving parents.
Lately, though, I’ve been on a bit of a tear, reading all sorts of parenting books. (My young-adult kids wonder if maybe I’ve come to this resource a little too late.) There is, indeed, a boatload of unsupported dogma out there. Plenty of people want to tell you THE way to manage tantrums, bedtime, potty-training, sullen teens, school resistance, etc. These authors prey on parents’ insecurity and fatigue. They can hear that inside our heads, we’re all saying “I have no idea how to do this,” and they jump in: “For $29.95, I’ll tell you how to do it right!”
There are also some very smart, well-informed psychologists, journalists, pediatricians, and parents out there who have important knowledge, experience, and insights that they share in their books. These people have been in the trenches and they’ve spent hundreds of hours talking with other people who’ve been in similar trenches. Many of them have legit wisdom to impart.
I suggest using parenting books the way a confident cook uses cookbooks. I have a shelf of cookbooks. I browse them for inspiration, for new techniques, for a take on salmon that I’d not previously thought of. I respect the authors’ knowledge and resourcefulness, but I come to the conversation as an equal. I’ll take the parts of the recipe that appeal to me use them in a way that serves my plan, my family.
So, read parenting books if you enjoy them (and please keep reading parenting blogs … at least keep reading mine…). But read as an empowered, confident parent. Use the stories, tips, and techniques that seem right to you, in a way that serves your plan, your values, your family.
PS: In Googling-around about parenting books, I encountered two places advertising “Parenting Books by the Pound.” Yikes.
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